The real smile. . .

. . .comes without any effort.

With every ending, there is a new beginning. And every new beginning, by it's own nature, creates it's own ending.

A friend sent me this quote:

"Clinging to what seems certain means never progressing beyond the past."

And it rings so true.

Really embracing means really letting go. To really let go, is also to really embrace.

The deeper the embrace, the deeper the risk of pain and loss. To really go deep I have to step past that fear of pain and loss. And to really step past that fear of pain and loss I have to deeply embrace what is.

Without judgment, and with open arms, the heart has to be kept open regardless of what arises. And it will arise until it does, that is grace.

Hey, is it too late, or can I have an easier curriculum please?!

Yes I know, it is WAY to late for that. . . and it is beautiful.



Tell me this. . . . without the clouds, can you tell if it is a sunset, or sunrise?

"Real Love is the one celebrating itself as two."

Do we know it well or don't we. . . .

. . .speaking only for myself I can say I know it very-very well.

I have lived immersed in pride, in an effort to mask equal parts shame. And I have wallowed in my own shame, indulging every depression by using shame as a "rational" excuse. All this in a vein effort to mask my incredible pride.

Two inseparable halves of one whole. The front and back, up and down, left and right, AKA: Suffering.

Pride and shame, it's all that and more.

In the East they talk more about Desire-Fear. But the signposts point to the same destination.

The funny thing is what we are really talking about are four words (desire-fear-pride-shame) that mean the exact same thing. But then again, I only mean that completely literally.

So I wonder where it began? And I remember it started with a secret.

Once told, once believed, once forgotten as a habit, and once trapping us to a view from inside a little tin can, in a universe as vast as nothingness.



15th December, 1938:

The Spanish lady, Madam Mercedes De Acorta, has written a letter to Mr Hague, the American mining engineer who is here as a temporary resident for the last two Months. She has raised a few questions:

"If the individual Self merges into the Universal Self, how can one pray to God for the uplift of humanity?" The question seems a common one in the west.

Ramana said: They pray to God and finish with "Thy will be done!" If his will be done why do they pray at all? It is true the Divine Will prevails at all times under all circumstances. The individuals cannot act of their own accord. Recognize the force of the Divine Will and keep quiet. Each one is looked after by God. You are among billions. When he looks after so many will he omit you? Even common sense dictates that one should abide by his Will. Again there is no need to let him know your needs. He knows them Himself and will look after them.

Still more, why do you pray?

Because you are helpless yourself and you want the higher power to help you. Well, does not that higher power know your weakness? Should you parade your weakness in order to make him know it?

Ms Acorta: But God helps those who help themselves?

Ramana replies: Certainly. Help yourself and that is itself according to God's Will. Every action is prompted by him only. As for prayer for the sake of others, it looks so unselfish on the surface of it. But analyze the feeling and you will detect selfishness there also. You desire another's happiness so that you may be happy. Or you want the credit for having interceded on another's behalf. God does not require an intermediary. Mind your business and all will be well.



16 December, 1938

The next day the two lady visitors returned in the morning and the younger one asked:

"Is the expression of the highest state the same to all? Or is there any difference?"

Ramana said: The Highest state is the same, and the experience is the same.

Questioner: But I find some difference on the interpretations put on the highest truth?

Ramana: The interpretations are made with the mind. The minds are different so the interpretations are different.

Questioner: I mean to ask if the seers express themselves differently?

Ramana: The expressions may differ according to the nature of the seekers. They are meant only to guide the seekers.

Questioner: One seer speaks in the terms of Christianity, another in those of Islam, a third of Buddhism, etc. Is that due to their upbringing?

Ramana: Whatever may be their upbringing, their experience is the same. But the modes of expression differ according to the circumstances.

Questioner: Last night you said God is guiding us. Then why should we make an effort to do anything?

Ramana: Who asks you to do so?

on Love. . . .

. . . . . . this is what traps me, while at the sametime knowing it is what sets me free. No other topic is ever as important by comparison. But that's true only when the mind is thinking about "topics".

So as it does I search for the source.

I can't imagine anything more intimate then the sharing of silence between two souls. The wonder of that still takes me away.

Without the desire for small talk or distraction, can two meet in a way that was not open before? And if so, how deep can you fall? Will you find out? That is the question which keeps jabbing me in the chest. What kind of union is possible when both parties seek the same soul?

My gratitude for who she is exceeds any desire which would arise to ever try and control her.

Will I ride out kamikaze style? Probably so. At least that way I will see my death coming head on.

It's something when she seeks a completely open heart, and quiet mind. I see now that I can only truly see her from that state. Really see her, and who she is. And if I dare to look her in the eyes fully, and let her know in that moment the truth of that seeing. The reality that I see her fully now, and all that means. Will she be able to stand with me there in that moment? Or will she run, as I have so many times before?

Because I tell you if she doesn't run, how else could it be but Love?



Questioner: Love postulates duality. How can the Self be the object of love?

Ramana: Love is not different from the Self. Love of an object is of an inferior order and cannot endure. Whereas the Self is Love, in other words, God is Love.


Have a happy holiday, a holiday of possibility.


"What you are looking for is what is looking."
- St Francis.

So here it is. . . .

. . .waiting and wondering, what is the answer to the puzzle that presented itself here? What did he see this time?

The answer is that unless I am completely true to myself. . . honest with myself. . .then I will be occasionally confused. The confusion helps remind me, I am not being honest with myself NOW.

In absolute honesty what can I say is true?

I can perhaps astonish with at least a dozen different belief systems which may really blow the mind. Belief systems which will provide plenty of colored jewels for the intellect to dive into and become absorbed in. Or to be adored and fascinated from afar with.

But still, is any of it so?

What can really be said as true, objectively, without qualification?

Only this. . .I am.



No more, no less.

I want to say, I am "here". . .but I keep being shaken in such a way that my confidence in this reality as anything other then a dream is not something I could call anything close to 'certain'.

Can I say it is a dream?

That is easy to do until she touches me, and her flesh reaches into my heart in such a way that I can no longer play the role of dream character, to myself.

So dream, no dream, reality?

That is a laugh. . . . I can only say I am.

I want to say, I am not "that". . .but I tell you this friends, when she looks in my eyes I know better!

I want to say, I am "this". . . but I keep being shaken in such a way that my confidence in this belief that I am any-'thing' is but an awareness of a temporary 'event'. Something which comes and goes, and something that I AM observes. But is that what I am? Even if so, it would be meaningless. . .as it is only change. Moving sculptures of color, light, and sound, that fade and disappear. . .turning into others but always the same.

What i THINK I know falls apart under scrutiny. . .and searching for a floor to stand on, the mind attaches to any story it can find "juice" or a charge in. Sometimes, maybe often, that is a story about a wound, betrayal, or past event which feels hurtful on examination by the subjective memory of the assumed 'self'.

How wicked, the mind will take that over its own dissolution.

See that clearly and I am free, or to say truthfully. . .I am back to only I am.



does this mean anger and frustration may not arise again from that story? Nah, I have no idea and cannot predict this? Does this mean the mind will not pop up to find something with an even greater charge. . .needing more juice this time for the same effect?

Possibly maybe, probably so?

"WHO" is it that cares, is what I must ask myself.

So if you have perhaps had dealings with me previously that left us both hurt in one manner or another. . .and we meet again, and in that meeting you recognize no remembrance of that in my own eyes, forgive me. I am not callous. . . .

. . . .I probably have just forgotten now.

Bunny Wailer's song "natural mystic" plays and I hear another man that spoke just the truth. What a beautiful thing.

"This could be the first trumpet, might as well be the last. The one try to find the answer to all the questions they ask. The one know its impossible to go living through the past. I wont tell no lie."



So that passes, and something else IS.

And something far more powerful presents itself. Something that is beyond thought, and on another level of is-ness.

FUCK! Pull me back in self, i am not resisting am I?



Karoli Baba was a famous Indian sage. Before he died he gave his journal to a devotee and asked very seriously that his devotee carry on the work of writing daily in it. When the devotee opened the journal after Babas death there where thousands of pages, and they all read like this. . .

RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM AM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM AM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM AM RAM RAM RAM
RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM AM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM AM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM RAM AM RAM RAM RAM

. . .for my english speaking friends that is. . . .

GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD
GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD

. . .maybe that is the only honest text ever written in this universe.

To forget that great lesson means to remember at some other time and marvel once again at it. How that presents itself to itself is Love, in the capitol L sense of that word.

You know this when you touch her hand and realize in the moment it is your own. I have felt the hand of god, and hear her breath on my neck, as she offered me herself in a way I did not know was possible.
That is remembering the above stated text, RAM RAM RAM.

"After having lamented, he lost his sense completely. He even forgot who he was. Exhausted by fatigue and anguish, he collapsed at the foot of a tree. As Shiva's despair reached the limit of what was bearable, Sati's voice was suddenly heard from the heavens, saying, 'Be strong, oh Mahadeva, Lord of my soul! Wherever I may be, I am never really separated from you. Soon I shall be reborn as the daughter of the mountains and again I shall be with you in flesh. Grieve no longer!' And she did return, as the ever present Parvati, and they embraced in pleasure for ten thousand Years."



And that can be a moment.

It's true to say I love her. Not because it is a challange, but because I have no choice in the matter.

Just is.

Onwards. . .

"All murders, robbers, thieves, and other criminals adore Shiva or his black female counterpart, Kali. . .for no other deity would be able to understand or have as much compassion for their own suffering, hardship, and fear as the god himself guilty of murder and hated by society as an outcast. Which god would grant them forgiveness, if not the ONE who he himself had to wait so long to atone for his guilt."

I can feel this. . . .

. . that when i honestly ask for help in answering these concerns, and the sincerity of the question asked, which feels like naked humility, is absolutely genuine. . . .



. . .Then regardless of what else happens, I can feel an immediate stirring in my heart and a tremendous release of pressure.


This must be prayer.

Sincerity. . .

. . .it is the one quality this mind seems to demand.

Dealing with some "types" really well, most types well, and a very few poorly and only at times. But still understanding them and the process. . . .all but one.

The insincere persona.

The car salesman personality. Smiling, pat you on the back I am your friend types.



Yet the reality remains, they are here doing something. So they clearly have a purpose!

So what is that purpose, what am i missing?

Even just to intellectually understand may at times free knots.

The required duality of measurement is understood fully. Between betrayal and true honesty, sincerity of intention and deception.

SO WHAT?


"Dont turn your head. Keep looking at the bandaged place. This is where the light enters you."

Back in the US of A . . .

Denmark as always was a great time. Good people, interesting Nation. Caught a small cold, so I have been inside since I returned home. I have a lot to write. Travels, yoga, fundamentalism, the story of an upside down universe. . a freaky place where people thought Donald Trump was a "success", and a Sadhu was "weird".



But, as for today. . .I woke up in the morning feeling a very good state. With a clear head and reoccurring thought. . .

Truth is what is, not what we think about it.

That leads a lot of places if you follow it. But today I have not felt any desire to express in any manner the types of places it goes to. Instead all I felt today was a very real appreciation for the friendships and relationships that have woven their way together in this life.

Sangha is what is, and always was. But when you begin to realize it as existing now, that's really something.

Christian, Hindu, Jew, Muslim, Buddhist, secular idealist, once I see through to what a belief system actually is, what difference does it ever make what belief system a friend holds? The key is sincerity.

Each mythology provides it's own program book for the play thats being acted and and theater it's presented in. In the end it is what it is, regardless of the label you put on it.

It's the interconnected nature of the entire community which creates the effect of events. A mixture always. And when hearing that I don't have anything to say but thanks, and anything to feel but gratitude.

Here is something:

My goals for 2005 =

To live in a state of mind completely free of all "goals". Which means NOW.


And a qoute:

"Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and that it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.

And then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold onto it. Then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

You have no idea what I am talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry. . . you will some day."

-Lester Burnham 'American Beauty'

Off to Denmark. . .

I have always enjoyed visiting Denmark, so this should be a great trip. I will be back on Wednesday, so the BLOG may go without update until after that.

About "right" speech:

Emerson said, "God offers to every mind the choice between truth and Repose. Take which you please, - you can never have both."



And I wonder what state of mind Emerson was in when he determined that? At least for that moment. Was it a state which confirmed his above thesis, or was it an objective state?

In an objective state I can only operate on the level of what "is". That "is" being past experience.

Unaltered, without commentary, just the events please.

That kind of experience.

That tells me that there is a place in the perspective of every written symbol, and every spoken noise, that you can find truth. And in that place what could there be but repose?

And if I could, I would ask Emerson if he felt the same way about Love, as he did about truth. That a man must choose between Love and Peace seems crazy to me. What's the difference?

And when you find one, you will have to explain to me how that differs from truth!

So Emerson is not correct when seen from there.

But what is the perspective that speaks truth in that sentence:

"God offers to every mind the choice between truth and Repose. Take which you please, - you can never have both."

The answer is Emerson is right, as long as you think you have a choice, you will be forced to make one. Between truth and repose, and everything else the same.



Enjoy your week. . and remember that thing you can never remember. . at least for a day.

My thoughts ask. .

what good is any-thing, except to the degree with which it brings you closer to Love.



and what's bad about any-thing that does.

and what doesn't?


And if you believe you are part of the cure, can you tell me for sure if there was ever really a disease?


I hear the question. . .what use is any of this introspective philosophy? What good is it.

What sense does it make, accept to say that it brings me daily to a much closer place with those I love, and those around me.

the fruits of that are what makes life worth living. The more I go inside, the more I can feel from the outside. And that's pretty sublime.

It's true, it is useless for anything but that.

But then again, what more could I want?!


I am listening.


.

Thoughts for the day. . .back to basics. Too much attention placed on why's, and when's. . .lost in the drama of relationship.

Time to go back home.

For me that means real basics, real fundamentals, and attention solely on THAT. It's tough because it's so easy.



I have to look at the "I" behind the pretending human-be-ing.

Can i hear that I?

Only sometimes.

What's it like when i do? = problem free.

It's SO easy to see other humans trips as your begin to free your-self of your own. And boy they are plentiful. The more squared away the persona, the darker the shadow. So you see it all, and what to say? What to do? It's just right there, they are naked in front of you and they don't even know it.

So what to do?

But then that is a trap.

And who am i to sort anybody else out!?

What arrogance. . . . . we humans want to teach others "values" and "responsibility". . .and yet nobody with a desire to teach such things could possibly have the slightest notion what they really mean. The irony is never ending.


Desiring liberation I turns vision inwards. I finds the root, I finds that it is "I". The moment I realize that "I" which is hidden behind an image, I also realize that the very same "I" is hidden in every BEing in this world.

I sees the Self abiding in all beings, and all beings in the Self; I sees the same everywhere.

literally

Otherwise stated. . .

There is only 'I' literally.

So don't take anything as judgement. I am just talking to myself.

Realize a beautiful Friday and feel some love. I know i will.