It can be tiring. . . . .

. . .when you think about what others may feel regarding your views. That constant concern regarding what you may say, or do, or not say, or not do, that will somehow affect another in a negative way. That bullshit protestant guilt.

I was raised around people that fed on that. Their whole lifetime spent judging other peoples lifetimes. Always winding up more angry, bitter, and lonely as they age. While passing along their dis-ease to the youth of the family.

No thanks.



If you are radical, or different from the norm, expect some flack from the peanut gallery. Seems that as a human being you attract or repel people based on any quality that may be unique.

The lesson for me is in remembering which occurs is NOT my business.

As an individual I am an athlete by profession, but an artist by birth. My heart has always been in the creation, and understanding of things. With competition itself being a rest stop along the way. But that is me as an individual, and can in no way serve as a means to judge the route anyone else needs to walk. Don't think that in stating my own, I am therefore judging yours. That is confusion.

Have you ever been assaulted by some crap piece of entertainment, music, literature, or Art, and asked yourself. . ."who makes this garbage?". . .answer = people who could not, or did not, put any HEART into their work. When a natural artist plays that tune, paints that picture, or writes that piece, it has a sincerity to it which cannot be faked, mimicked, or stolen. It just IS.



The crap art comes from non artists. People who desire the "image" of an artist, but lack the artists soul.

The same holds true for everything, including the natural athlete. The one who competes for the love of the event. And not for some false sense of pride, glory. . .image.

There are many people who have used, or will use, athletics as a beautiful vehicle for transcendence.

And there are others who use competition as a way to pass on all the sickness of society, religion, and dominant culture.

Which side of athletics an individual experiences will be determined by two things. One, whether or not it is natural for them to do it, or something they are doing for another reason. And two, the environment the athlete finds themselves in once they begin the whole process.

A good human can create a healthy atmosphere, one that allows natural athletes the freedom to play. And others the freedom to say I'd rather go do something else. While at the samtime letting both types know you will love them regardless.

Or. . . . we can muddy up all the water with our own judgments. Making everything hard to see, and uncomfortably dark. I do that myself a lot!



See, I think that somewhere - at some point, aggression and pride where linked conceptually to strength and honor.

It doesn't take much introspection - realization to see that this is obviously backwards.

It also seems pretty easy to see that this false connection has always served a useful purpose in terms of manipulating large groups of human beings. So I believe anytime it can be linked in culture, it is linked in culture. And this is why. . . It helps the those in power get people to do really stupid things.

I realize a lot of people don't see it as that, and think of it more as harmless entertainment. And that is exactly why I believe it works so well.

If you add Nationalism to it, you have an awesome recipe for getting people used to, and ready for, atrocities and the sacrifice of their own children for the profit of a small group. (Preferably the sacrifice of kids from poor/working class families of course)



Anything that involves objectifying your opponent, or aggressive posturing, seems obviously sick once an individual sees it for what it is, and what it has been/is used for on a larger level.

Now hear this. . . .that is no WAY a judgment of those athletes that challenge themselves by testing the limits of a particular body.

Whether that challenge is a forward step, or a backward step in terms of evolution as a being, can only be determined by the individuals own actions. Does it help them become kinder, gentler, and more understanding. Or does it cause them to become more of a self absorbed, judgmental prick?

AND. . .that question is only healthy when it is applied to MYSELF, and becomes another distraction the moment I start wondering whether it affects some OTHER person in a negative or positive way!



Damn that is an easy one to foget isn't it?!

Isn't it also clear that the aggression-pride paradigm bleeds down from the top and infects kids playing ball, grade school coaches, the whole culture. Through media in all it's forms, and the natural desire of young people to be thought of as "normal". . . .ie: defined by what they see on tv, in magazines, around them at school, movies, advertisements (which are EVERYWHERE now) etc.

I have heard people say 'boys' compete naturally. But is that a biological fact, or just more patriarchal bullshit from a sexist era? I wonder sincerely? Because we would not know unless we saw it present under various circumstances, and over a fairly large sample of children in different lands, cultures, family types, religions, and belief systems.



Isn't it obvious that all kinds of things are heavily influenced by society and the cutltural ideas of the time? Things we don't usualy think about, but just consider "normal"?

Speaking for myself, I had no interest in competition as a little boy. It was taught to me, against my own real desire, by the society I was raised in. How about you?

Given the nature of evolution I have no doubt that there where/are many reasons for the development of competition amongst males in society. That fact is also clear in the animal kingdom.

But even so we have to be really careful to know that we are speaking in terms of often, or sometimes,. . . .shades of grey, not black and white pronoucements.

Unless of course we want to be exclusive? Maybe we do.

This is why the only healthy way IMO is play.

And I think the healthiest thing a tribe can do for it's young, individual athletes is encourage a courageous rebellion. Helping the athlete realize that they can be humble and strong enough to drop out of that societies absurd and upside down definitions. I'd like to see more kids encouraged to rebel against that whole bullsh*t scene. But then again, I tend to be a bit of a radical.

Please do not forget, it is all just my opinion. . . .all just THOUGHT. . .no more, no less, then other THOUGHTS. . . .so get your own. You can find them in the same place I got mine.

I like optimists, but only real ones!

All rebels are optimists. All mystics are brave. Traditionalists are by nature pessimists. And conservatives by nature are scared.

I think in a few generations our grandkids will look back on our society and how we related aggression (fear) and pride (shame), to sports, as something that was actually "positive", and find it really strange. Just like we have a hard time understanding why our ancestors did certain things. This is why in truth I feel like an optimist on the subject. Future generations, given the benefit of hindsight, always seem to sort out our own idiocy, given enough time.



Probably way to radical for you, but f**k it, that is not my business.

My business is BEING my true self. And. . . .hopefuly encouraging everyone within my circle of awareness to do the same through example, and not judgement. Without causing them any undo worry that their belief, system, or idea, will somehow cause me to pull back from them. Or to care about them less. My business then is helping others around me to have the strength to speak their own unique soul, while reminding them that regardless of how that manifests I will love them.

Optimism is knowing that is enough. Practice is remembering it.

A cool breeze comes through. . . .

. . .and I stop giving attention to worry.

BEing present to offer full attention to what is HERE. . . .what is NOW. . .and taking a lighter, not too serious tone, seems to be the current precedent.

Their is a natural distinction that arises. A difference between a biting, sarcastic, or hurtful humor. And a gentle, natural humor. One seems to express Love and produce smiles and laughter. The other is a hiding spot for fear, pride, and shame.



That natural distinction between the two is 'natural' because it is effortless.

Should I be "trying" to use it, then I am sure to fail. And then the sarcastic tone expresses itself, albeit in a subtle way not everyone may recognize. This is simply the way it is, as real humor cannot express itself outside the realm of Love, and the other type of humor is simply another mask for fear to play a role behind.

You can see it arise in forms when something that some find uncomfortable is spoken of, or seems to occur. The reaction will give away the level of consciousness, whether it be fear based, or from a higher-deeper place of Love.

Others reactions? Not my business. . .ever. So don't forget I am talking about myself. But just always.

On another level it is interesting to note the multiplicity of ego forms. Hidden in the smallest actions, words, and expressions, it finds unlimited costumes to wear.

But still, everywhere I turn all I can see is God in drag.

"If I am to know God directly, I must become completely He, and He I, so that this He and this I become and are one I".
- Meister Eckhart



In the beginning
There was but one concept
And that's the concept of I.
Then arose Apollyon the Devil
Claiming that it's you and I.
- Bunny Wailer

Do you know what that means, or does I?

Some people hold the world together. Carpenters, cops, and janitors, all strive to make the planet a cleaner, kinder, more aware place. But they are blessed in that they sometimes lack the arrogance that assumes they can change the world. . .or worse yet, thinking they know how!

I find humor with the 'world changers'. Not because their effort is not noble. . . . (although it's true, even in the desire to 'fix' or 'help' you can see the little 'i' screaming "Look at me!"). . .No, the humor for me is found in the great acting skill that is required in order for one to take seriously the notion that being serious' about ones role in life is the practical' way to live. . .it is just so absolutely, and obviously. . .BACKWARDS.

The only practical effort is the one given towards the spiritual (in the mature sense of that word), towards self inquiry.

The only practical direction for awareness is inward.

Any material-physical efforts outside that realm, are not just completely disfunctional and impractical, but truthfully they are sheer folly.

The humor is not that most people see that backwards. The humor is in the fact that they pretend to.



That's just incredibly beautiful to observe. Self help, build a better ego, create a better personal story, bullshit upon bullshit. . . . . .but, anything to avoid sitting still by the lake and letting IT catch me! We can't have that. . . that would change everything.

So I love them all for the effort they put into that serious and important personal ME story. . .that actors part, that role, most especially me. Oscars for everyone please.

So keep that stern look, nervous laugh, and silly attempts to distract or draw attention. It's all good. Play the role, enjoy the day, and BE. You don't need my permission, but I do.

As for me, I will be the one in the back of the dark Chinese restaurant with one hand on Parvati, and one hand palm up. . .it means 'Hi'. . .Yes, I see you, it's ok, just RELAX.



You can't be free in any fashion if you hold the hand of fear.

7th January, 1935. . . . .

. . . . . .A questioner asks:

What are the obstacles which hinder realization of the Self?

Ramana: They are habits of mind (vasanas).

Questioner: How to overcome the mental habits (vasanas)?

Ramana: By realizing the Self.

Questioner: That is a vicious circle.

Ramana: It is the ego which raises such difficulties, creating obstacles and then suffers from the perplexity of apparent paradoxes. Find out who makes the enquiries and the Self will be found.



Questioner: So, then, I must go back tracing the source of thoughts?

Ramana: Quite so; in that way thoughts will disappear and the Self alone will remain.

Questioner: It is understood intellectually only. Is not the intellect a help for realization?

Ramana: Yes, up to a certain stage. Even so, realize that the Self transcends the intellect - the latter must itself vanish to reach the Self.

Questioner: Does my realization help others?

Ramana: Yes, certainly. But there are no others to be helped.

Even the thought. "I do not realize" is a hindrance. In fact, the Self alone IS.



It was dusk. Dusk has been my favorite time of the day, since I remember days.

She was kneeling, before her God, and at the water.

There was an intense silence which overtook me. Not apart from me. . . .what to say?. . . . same-same. Every color vibrant, they have their own sound. Every footstep from every bird, every branch moved by the wind, all within me, Alive to me. The trees moved in an incredible rhythm, that I am sure I mostly miss. And it IS.

Freedom is awareness not moved by fear or desire.

Freedom is Love.

Then I am brought back, as I walk with her, as is good. And a sudden fear of falling again comes back to me. Falling to Earth again.

Who knew?

She is very brave, and I remember. .

. . . Love is the one thing, that since the very start, has always been worth falling to Earth for.

Catch this. . . . .

. . . . Awhile ago I asked about the insincere personas. And my resolution came later in the understanding that the story itself, though perhaps painful, still holds personal identity. And that the mind would take that over its own dissolution.

Tonight another perspective also emerged.

I don't always know what the lesson will be. But, I always know what the lesson will be about, and that is me.

If that sounds self absorbed you are seeing it backwards. And also most likely, inside out.



So given that vantage point, it becomes clear that the lesson is the realization that personalities don't actually love anybody or anything, ever. Personalities want something.

What Loves, is much-much deeper.

Deep enough to have words serve only as barriers. And ideas-thoughts become painful distractions which steal your time* from the scene present before you at that moment. And as I become more aware of that fact, that pain becomes more prominent, and recognition of it comes much faster.

*(Steal your time, create it, same-same)


So back to what is now, I am here.*

*(Warning: Any expression of Matt's personality is a direct indication of a desire for something, and therefore occurs out of need. But only ever yours. Matt's personality has been shown to be harmful in large doses, so please stick with doctor recommended dosage. Though Matt's personality is sometimes absent, this is not an indication of an enlightened state, but rather may simply be a sign of fatigue. In the event of sudden realization matt's personality may become absent, in which case the makers of Matt's personality assume no responsibility for any harm this product may cause.)



A great friend said in greeting:

You must be in a spin, how does it 'feel'?

And that's an awesome question, and greeting.

I sat for a moment and felt it, and answered:

I don't really know? It feels like I have fewer and fewer inches beneath my feet that I can stand on, and pretty soon I am just gonna fall I don't know where?

But I know I want to find out.

And I remember. . . . . .

. .. . I remember it is all there and for I...she is.....but only I can discover if she will be. . . . .and we own it all.....and all was made for her and I.....and this seeing is why I am here....and she is there....and why one day we will be one.



And I remember this, in the very beginning it started with a secret.

That one lie, is the original sin. That one secret, the failure to recognize who told it.

The resolution, it's inside.

It's not a "promised land", and tiny patch of desert on a tiny spinning rock, in a tiny galaxy, within vastness.

Isn't that a wild idea?!

It's insane!. . . . yet Christians, Jews & Muslims will murder for that little patch of dirt and land. Mistaking the metaphor for a physical piece of the "material" world, they loose all real meaning behind what it is they worship, and what the symbols actually mean.

They miss the complete point of all of it, and forever fail to reach any actual change due to a backwards belief in an upside down world.

But that's all.



So the original sin, in the light of real understanding, was itself a secret kept through a deception, literally.

Redemption?
Forgiveness?
Grace?

Three words for one thing.

Redemption is found in realization. Forgiveness is found in the willingness to drop your personal story, and as such, stories about and of others as well. Grace. . . . . Surrender to what is left.

Healing is found in silence.

Silence is the voice of the sacred, and it forgives and mends all things. If you need help getting there, ask. It will be provided. But I mean that literally of course.

I leave with this. Can I hear it, and all it would imply?

And if so, so what?

Can I BE it?!

Which question is more interesting?



And She said. . . .

I am revealed to myself as I am ready. If I hope, I fear in equal measure. I know that anything Right and Holy stays, calm and restful and gentle. I know you know this also.

This is Truth

She said. . .I offer what I can, with limits to keep myself whole, and wholeness to stand with you in spirit and fight for love and life and beauty and mystery.

This is Devotion. . .and purity

She said. . . .I will neverever judge the way you do what you must, as long as you do what you must.

This is Love

Reaching the battlefield, he said to the Goddess: "You take pride on others' strength. Why don't you show your own power!"

The Goddess replied with a smile: "Fool! The whole world is just Me. All Creation is my form in a variety of dimensions. I am the cause and effect of everything: all things emerge from me only and ultimately' enter me only. The whole world is in harmony with My Being."



Is love then what reconciles the difference between

'is this it?...' and 'this it It!'?

Exactly the same words, but such a world of difference.

And it IS.

Please remember this. . .through everything, I am always there with you.

Two ladies from Ceylon. . .

. . .enter and ask:

Have you realised God? If so, in what shape?

Ramana: Who remains there to see God? The question might well be if one has known oneself.

I have known myself

Ramana: Is the "I" different from the Self that you say you have known the Self?

I know the Self as identical with the body. If the Self be different from the body let Ramana tell me how to see the Self seperate from the body.

Ramana: Why should the Self be seprated from the body? Let the body remain as it is.

The soul when disembodied can see through all bodies.

Ramana: Are there others then? Or is there even your own body? Consider your sleep. . . you do not know your body then. But still you are there all the same. Did you then perceive the world through this or other bodies? Nevertheless, you cannot deny your existence then. There must be a subject to see the world and the subject must also be limited. If unlimited how can there be others beside the unlimited Self?



Does God have any limits?

Ramana: Leave God alone. What limits were there for your Self in sleep?

Concentrate on the self, you say. How to do it?

Ramana: If that is solved everything else is solved.

Know thyself, you say. How to know the Self?

Ramana: You now know that you are the body.

Doesn't Ramana advocate thinking as a way to realisation, Jnana Yoga?

Ramana: How can you think without a body?

God does not think.

Ramana: Why then did you start asking, "In what shape did you see God?"

God must be felt through the senses.

Ramana: Are you not feeling God?

Is everybody feeling God always?

Ramana: Yes.

Then what is realisation?

Ramana: Realisation is to get rid of the delusion that you have not realised.

I don't catch the point?

. . . . . . . .They left, having taken a snapshot.



Even in her dreams I protect her, yet she does not know it.